Let’s talk communication!
Learning how to communicate is, if not the most important thing, very close to it! It’s how we convey our wants, needs, joys, challenges, life experiences, and so much more. Communication isn't just about talking. It encompasses body language, tone, pitch, emotion, facial expressions, verbiage, and often overlooked, LISTENING. How we listen (or don't!) is also a form of communication. At our core, we are energy and vibration, and whether we are conscious of it or not, people pick up on or feel more of what we’re communicating beyond just our words.
I remember a commercial where a family was yelling at each other in a mad tone while saying they love each other. It was so confusing to watch! I heard “I love you” but felt anger. Experiment with that, and you’ll quickly understand what I’m saying. This brings us to congruency. Congruency is crucial in communication and could be a whole “blog” unto itself. In this context, congruency means when two things are similar or fit together well. The family in the commercial was incongruent; their tone and body language didn’t align with their words.
Another example is when I would be deeply explaining something to my children, and they would say, “Mom, why are you yelling and mad?” I wasn’t mad, but unbeknownst to me, my tone was harsh, and they were perceiving my message differently than I intended. Here’s the hard part to hear: it’s up to the person communicating to adjust their communication, not the listener. Simply put, if someone doesn’t understand you, it’s your problem, not theirs.
I invite you to make an appointment if you want to delve deeper into understanding your communication style and honing it to convey your ideas, feelings, and challenges effectively.
**REMEMBER: CONVERSATIONS ARE BACK AND FORTH!**
Here are a few tips to get you started on having a simple conversation:
1. **Ask questions that allow you to get to know the person.** PRO TIP: Try thought-provoking questions like, “Which destinations are on your bucket list?” or “What career would you pursue if money and education were taken care of for you?” People love to talk about themselves and their experiences.
2. **Acknowledge them by commenting on something they said.** People want to have a voice and be heard.
3. **For all my talkers out there:** An easy way to keep a conversation going is to answer a question, then stop talking and say, “And you?” Remember, people want to have a voice and be heard!
**The part I find most people either don’t know how to do or need the most practice at is LISTENING.**
1. **Make eye contact.** Not in a creepy stare-down, but making eye contact shows you’re listening.
2. **Listen without correction or judgment.** Unless you know this person really well, people don’t want to feel stupid. If you get the gist of what they’re conveying, does it really matter if they mispronounce a word?
3. **BE PRESENT!** Don’t walk away to grab something, look at your phone, or look around when someone is talking. If you have to, let them know you’re still listening or say, “Hold that thought, I want to be present when you’re talking.”
4. **Not everyone is looking to be counseled when they’re talking to you.** You may have great insight, but sometimes people just need a safe space to “let it out” without interrupting feedback. PRO TIP: Ask! “Do you want my advice, or do you need to just process out loud?” Then honor what they say.
5. **My biggest pet peeve is when people talk over you!** I know this habit happens a lot in larger families, with everyone vying to be heard, but PLEASE stop! In my opinion, it’s rude and disrespectful. EVERYONE NEEDS/WANTS TO HAVE A VOICE AND BE HEARD. If we learn how to communicate better, EVERYONE will get a chance to have a voice and be heard.